


Thirteen

by bloodandcream



Series: Ship all the Ships [42]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, F/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage Sex, implied Claire Novak/Jimmy Novak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:43:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4018498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodandcream/pseuds/bloodandcream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claire Novak was only thirteen when she finally told Castiel in a small whisper of a voice - I miss my daddy -. And he said, I know, he said, I understand. But he really didn’t. Castiel didn’t miss Jimmy much at all. He hadn’t seen his brother for years, not since he moved away to the farthest corner of the United States to be away from Jimmy. But he told Claire it was all right to miss him. She said - you remind me of my daddy but you’re not him -. And he said, no I’m not him. But they were twins and even now sometimes when Castiel looked in the mirror he still saw his brother. Sometimes when he looked at Claire’s big blue eyes he saw his brother. Castiel didn’t like that very much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thirteen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [outoftheashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheashes/gifts).



Claire Novak was only thirteen when her father died and she came to live with Castiel. He was her last surviving relative. Amelia had passed when she was only six in a car accident and Jimmy had raised her by himself. Claire’s grandmother, Jimmy and Castiel’s mother, had passed a long time ago. Long enough ago that Castiel cannot even remember what she was like. And Claire’s grandfather, he had passed only a year ago. That wound was still fresh to Castiel. They could both grieve. He didn’t have much, a factory job where he was just another cog, a small apartment in a building where the hallways smelled like urine but there was a park nearby, and that was about it. Castiel lived a quiet, solitary life. But he did not hesitate to take custody of Claire. There was no one else who would; he would not let her go in to foster care. 

Claire Novak was only thirteen when Castiel met her at the child service agency downtown, her whole life packed in to one small suitcase with Sailor Moon stickers all over it. They rode the subway line together up to his apartment. Castiel didn’t know what to say. Claire was not interested in speaking either. When they got to his apartment, she cringed and looked up at him with a frown on her young face, but still she didn’t say a word. Castiel had cleaned his place and bought a fern to put in the window but there wasn’t much to be done about the faded carpet and the dingy chipped paint. He did give her the only bedroom in the apartment, and made his home on the couch. They would need a bigger apartment, but he thought that it would be best to look for apartments with Claire, to see what she liked. 

Claire Novak was only thirteen but Castiel already knew that she was far too old for her age. Whether she had been forced to grow up too fast with too much tragedy at a young age, or whether her intelligence had pushed her ahead, Castiel figured it was probably both of those things and more. She was a quiet girl, and at first he gave her space because he knew she was grieving. She didn’t say goodbye when he took her to school, she didn’t talk about her day during dinner when he asked, she didn’t have suggestions to make when he took her clothes shopping - she just tried on what he gave her or simply picked out things for herself. She’d barely said more than a few sentences since she came to live with him. 

Claire Novak was only thirteen when she finally told Castiel in a small whisper of a voice  _\- I miss my daddy -._  And he said, I know, he said, I understand. But he really didn’t. Castiel didn’t miss Jimmy much at all. He hadn’t seen his brother for years, not since he moved away to the farthest corner of the United States to be away from Jimmy. But he told Claire it was all right to miss him. She said _\- you remind me of my daddy but you’re not him -_. And he said, no I’m not him. But they were twins and even now sometimes when Castiel looked in the mirror he still saw his brother. Sometimes when he looked at Claire’s big blue eyes he saw his brother. Castiel didn’t like that very much. 

Claire Novak was only thirteen when she woke Castiel up in the middle of the night after living with him for months. She’d had a nightmare. He warmed a cup of milk and gave it to her, and they sat on the couch together. She said  _\- there are monsters under my bed. -_  He told her, of course there aren’t because monsters aren’t real. Castiel knew monsters were real though, but he was old enough to know that they didn’t hide in shadows under beds they hid behind people’s faces. He didn’t tell her this. When she asked _\- tuck me in -_ he said of course, and he read her ‘Goodnight Moon’ too even though she was too old for that. When she said  _\- don’t leave me alone -_  he said of course, settling under the blankets and curling his arms protectively around her because no monsters would get to have her while he was around. He kissed the top of her head and bid her goodnight and she was asleep in seconds. 

Claire Novak was only thirteen when she woke Castiel up for the second time in one night. He was confused at first, he thought he was having a dream but he hadn’t had one like this in quite some time. He woke up hard and aching and there were hands on his cock. Small hands. Claire’s hands. Castiel jerked back so hard that he fell off the bed in a tangle of blankets and limbs. Her pretty blue eyes peered over the edge of the bed down at him. _\- I miss my daddy. No one loves me like him. No one ever will. But you look like him. Do you love me? -_ Castiel stood on shaky legs and told her Claire baby no that’s not love as he backed himself up against a wall, trembling hands come up to his mouth, bead of sweat dripping down his spine. She followed him. So small she barely came up to his ribs, she tipped back on her toes and looked up at him and he saw for the first time something broken behind her pretty eyes. And Castiel remembered when he was thirteen. 

Castiel Novak was thirteen when his brother Jimmy took the last of what he had that he didn’t want to give. But he’d given Jimmy everything else, this couldn’t count for much more. They were twins, everyone else thought that it was normal for them to be so close. They thought it was cute. Jimmy was the same age, well younger by a few minutes, but he knew a lot more than Castiel. **[When you love someone you kiss them. Do you love me?]** But Jimmy didn’t just want a kiss, and when a kiss wasn’t enough he said you can kiss a person everywhere else and he said that Castiel would like it. When that wasn’t enough Jimmy asked for more and Castiel didn’t know what he meant, but he loved his brother and his brother loved him. **[It won’t hurt. I know you’ll like it.]** And when Jimmy pressed Castiel’s face down against the dark blue sheets with the constellations that Castiel loved, knelt behind him, pushed in to him, it hurt. He cried. Castiel wonders if Jimmy took that from Claire, if he made her cry.

Castiel Novak was thirteen then, but so was his brother Jimmy. They were both just kids, and Castiel told himself when it hurt that it was all right because sometimes it felt good and even if he cried his brother knew how to take care of him. He thought because his body liked it, he liked it. He was just like his brother, as dirty as him. And when they grew up together Castiel convinced himself that his brother changed. Jimmy had found God. He had found a wife. He had started a family. Castiel told himself that his brother was different and he was a good man and Castiel left. They had both been so young. But Claire was his baby, when Claire was just thirteen Jimmy was thirty six and Castiel didn’t think from the other side of the country that Jimmy would ever. That he could. Because Jimmy wasn’t thirteen anymore and Claire wasn’t his brother she was his baby. Castiel didn’t think to protect her then.

Claire was only thirteen and Castiel couldn’t protect her now because there was something wrong twisted up inside her just like there was still something wrong twisted up inside him. Her blond hair was silver in the streaks of light from the parking lot behind his apartment, intruding past the blinds making bars on the walls of his bedroom. Her hair was so light but her eyes were so blue and when she looked at him all he saw was Jimmy. There was a cruelness there. There was longing like sharp desperation you hurt yourself on. Jimmy had made her like Castiel, but she was different. When she dropped clumsily to her knees and pulled his pajama pants down all he remembered was terror and it paralyzed his body, severed the connection from mind to hand, blotted out the past twenty six years and he was thirteen again too.

Claire was only thirteen but she didn’t hesitate, not like Castiel had when Jimmy held him so tight until he felt gorge rise in his throat. And he wondered if there was something more broken in Claire, if she had loved Jimmy more - if Jimmy had loved her more. Her big blue eyes framed by delicate lashes watched him as petal pink lips wrapped around the head of his cock. He shook apart pressed back against like the wall like he wished it would fold up around him like if he closed his eyes hard enough and didn’t look he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening. **[Look at me. Look at what you do to me. This is all your fault.]**  And he remembered what he knew then, if he just gave up it would hurt less and it would be over faster and he just wanted it to end.

Claire was only thirteen but when Castiel clapped his hands over his mouth and all his seams popped like his favorite stuffed bear and his knees finally gave out and he sank down the wall to the floor, she looked at him with disgust that was familiar in those blue eyes. He was crying. She slapped him across the cheek a loud shock of sound in the quavering silence  _\- Don’t be a little bitch. -_   **[Don’t be a little bitch.]**  It meant he should be quiet. He should stop crying. Claire sniffled, splash of white dripping down her chin and she lifted up the hem of her Tinkerbell night shirt to wipe it off before reaching out to pull at his sleeve. He flinched. Pajama pants bunched around his knees, hair matted to his forehead with sweat, cock limp and wet. He whimpered. _\- Come back to bed daddy. Keep the monsters away. -_  He thinks he can protect her. He thinks he can love her.

They were only thirteen.


End file.
